Monday, November 30, 2009

Ollie Ollie Umfumfree

My wife grew up playing hide and know where everyone hides, one person looks for the others then when only one or two are left (because they are the best hiders or they feel asleep) the seeker calls out "Ollie Ollie umfumfree." Huh?

When I was growing up I, too, played hide and seek. But when only one or two hiders were left, we called out, "All the other outs are free."

Can you see what happened? For some kids, my wife included, they were yelling out a variation of the actual know like the gossip game where a rumor is started and goes through a group and by the time it gets to the last person it is nothing like the rumor that was started....anyways....there was one person who said, "All the other outs are free," then through generations of kids it was transformed to "Ollie, Ollie Umphumfree," which means...well...nothing....Umfumfree is not a word. But if you ask my wife, it is a word...well it means something to her, anyway.

Religion is like that. At some point, there was a guy, let's say, Jesus, who said some really cool things that were meaningful and life changing. Then, generations of people morphed his message into something it was never intended to be, examined it for meaning, context...blah, blah, blah...and came up with something different. Then more generations took those morphed beliefs as their gospel (pun intended) and started morphing that into their own gospel. So here we are, generations from the message...but what is the message? Have we lost what the cool guy in the beginning said? Have we lost that life transforming message for a "sound alike?"

What did you say at the end of a round of hide and seek? And what is the correct spelling of that "word?"

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Gift Giving

When giving a gift, most people want to give what the person wants (needs). As a Christian, have you ever thought about praying about what to give someone. This takes gift giving to a whole new level, perhaps giving a gift that is spiritually meaningful, even life changing. If you are trying to figure out what to give to the person "who has everything," maybe God has some input for you.

Try it. God may blow your mind.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Top 20 Christmas Presents For Women

Here are some ideas for gifts for the women in your life:

1. Digital Camera and digital picture frame
2. Jewelry
3. Fleece lined houseshoes
4. Fleece lined coat
5. Dressy Watch
6. Supersoft microfiber blanket
7. Clock
8. Laptop Computer
9. Music...get her couple of CDs of her favorite music (ask her if you don't know). A $50 iTunes gift card is the only gift card you should give her.
10. Perfume.
11. Chocolate...Godiva is good.
12. Sleep wear.
13. Sexy lingerie
14. Overnight getaway in a nice hotel.
15. a full outfit WITH matching jewelry. If you are fashion-challenged, get her to show you what she likes (put in shopping cart online or circle in magazine).
16. Give a gift in her name to (Heifer International) or to a charity she supports
17. A gift certificate to remodel a room in the house
18. A nice plant or flowers
19. A leather bound journal, Bible, or hard back book.
20. Supplies to help her in her hobbies (Scrapbooking supplies, photography equipment, music, sports equipment, computer supplies, books, quilting supplies, craft supplies, etc.

21. Anything handmade.

Women, what are you wanting for Christmas?

Friday, November 20, 2009

What NOT to get your wife for Christmas

Here are the top ten things to NOT get your wife for Christmas:

1. Appliances. Really this doesn't need to be said but I know some of you will be tempted to get her a new vacuum, iron, broom or toaster. Just go ahead, get it and give it to her NOW before Christmas...If she needs it, get it, and give it to groceries and gas....It's just a really bad idea to wrap a washer and dryer set. Even if she says she wants a new dishwasher for Christmas, I would still be very careful doing this for a gift. If you decide to buy an appliance for Christmas, at least wear a wifebeater tee shirt and bass pro hat to the store to show everyone there how lame you are.

2. Bathroom scales. If I need to explain this, you don't deserve to have a wife.

3. Exercise equipment. See explanation on #2.

4. Nothing. I know many husbands who do this one. What's wrong with you? Even if you are poor and have no money, you can still get her something....get a 2nd or 3rd job to get her something. Gifts are a basic way of showing your wife love and value. Make her something if you have nothing. Do the handmade gift certificate thing from my previous post.

5. A cheesy present that means nothing. Buying your wife a fruit basket or shampoo basket is almost as bad as not getting her anything at some cases probably worse. If you totally lack imagination, ask her what she wants. You can even hire someone to buy presents for her. Just don't be a bonehead and buy the first thing that you see in Walmart.

6. Buying her something that you want. I know someone (true story) that got his wife a chainsaw. When she opened it, he said, " Oh, you don't like that! I guess I'll have to use it." There is a special place in hell for the husband who does this.

7. A card with gift cards in it. Lame!

8. The wrong sized clothes. Don't get your wife size 6 jeans when she is a size 12. Bad husband! If you can't get the sizes right just don't do clothes at all. If you do that, I hope you get a vasectomy for Christmas so you won't have offspring to spread your lame DNA.

9. Divorce. Yes I have heard of this happening and I think it is cruel and psychopathic to do it. If you are going to end the marriage, don't ruin Christmases for her for the rest of her life by doing this. Get it over with at least a month before or after Christmas. At least then she can buy her own Christmas present.

10. Lawn equipment, dental work, lapband surgery, glasses, or a wig. See explanation for #1 and #2.

Women, what is the worst present you ever got for Christmas?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Best Places to Shop for Your Wife (or Girlfriend) for Christmas

Here are the top ten places I know of to shop for your wife at Christmas:

1. Outlet
2., jewelry, and everything in between
3. Ross....Great clothes, better prices
4. TJ MAXX...get great jewelry here for cheap.
5. unique gifts that are tax deductible...give a duck, heifer, or water buffalo in her name
6. house shoes, boots and anything else you can think of.
7. and music
8. deals on Apple products
10. wives love flowers for any occasion

Gift Ideas
1. Spa gift certificate for a massage, makeover and waxing whatever parts need it.

2. Any jewelry...most women don't need the super expensive stuff. I go to a jewelry outlet dealer on Harry Hines and can get 10 full sets of earrings and necklaces for under $80 bucks and it looks like I have spent $300 or $400.

3. Hand made gift certificates for breakfast in bed, dinner and movie, hour long talk, shopping with a friend, back rub, massage, or whatever she like...she can redeem it during the year for time spent with you. My wife always digs this one.

4. can't go wrong with Coldwater Creek...get her to circle or create a shopping cart on line so all you have to do is buy it...easy, simple, she gets what she wants in the size she wants...couldn't be easier.

5. Get your wife to make a size card for you. Write down all her sizes (clothes, tops, skirts, pants, boots, hats, etc) so when you shop, you won't make the mistake of buying her XL when she is a medium....just sends the wrong message to her.

6. Shop outlets stores where you can save money and get more.

7. She can always use a new watch...always.

8. My wife really likes the Ipod I got for her last year. Music is always a good gift too.

9. Buy a vase....continue to fill it throughout the year with flowers, either store bought or hand picked.

10. Purfume is a good gift. Get a bunch of the paper samples and have her smell them and pick out the ones she likes (and that you like). Go back later and buy it.

Start early if you are going to order things from websites as it takes time to get it in the mail. Hope this helps you...

Monday, November 16, 2009

Ten Things Wives Can Do To Improve Their Marriage

Here are ten things a wife can do to improve her marriage:

1. Do five things a day to show your husband you care about him.
2. Allow him to talk to you without talking over him or cutting him off.
3. Initiate physical affection with him at least three times a day.
4. Exercise daily.
5. At least once a month, initiate a sexual experience with him.
6. Compliment him at least two times a day.
7. Pray for your husband every day....Also ask God to provide you wisdom and knowledge for how you can minister to him.
8. Sandwich any criticism between two positives.
9. Ask him what is important to him for you to do for him today.
10. Be quick to verbalize forgiveness and love.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Ten Things Husbands Can Do To Improve Their Marriage

Here are is my list of ten things husbands can do to improve their marriage:

1. Talk to your wife for at least 30 minutes a day (minimum).
2. Talk about your feelings at least once or twice during that 30 minutes.
3. Do at least 5 things a day to show your wife you love her.
4. Hide love notes around the house where she'll find them.
5. Show affection toward your wife at least three times a day.
6. Pray at least ten minutes a day with your wife.
7. Go on a date with her at least once a week.
8. Clean her car.
9. Talk about the hard things...don't hold your feelings in.
10. Go to church and worship with your wife.

11. Clean up after yourself.
12. Clean up after the kids.
13. Do 30 minutes of cleaning in the house everyday.
14. Tell your wife she looks beautiful at least once a day...Find creative ways of saying it.
15. Read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus," by John Gray,"Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch or "His Needs, Her Needs" by Hartley.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

...Not to Condemn the World

I know a man who is gay who I will call "Gavin." He is in his fifties. He grew up Southern Baptist and his four siblings are strong "small-town Texas" Southern Baptists. When his brothers and sisters were told Gavin was gay, they said they would not talk to him or have anything to do with him...that was about 20 years ago. So for twenty years, they won't return phone calls and will not be in the same room with Gavin. Nothing. No relationship.

Gavin is a moral man. He regularly attends a "gay friendly" church, prays, reads his Bible and does many kind and benevolent acts for those around him. He is unapologetically gay and talks openly about it...He never was in a closet from high school to the present.

So my questions are: Is their stance Bibical? Do you think their stance is right, Christian, or moral? How would you deal with this situation if Gavin was your brother or son? Does Christ call for us to accept others who are living in sin or are we to reject and shun others? What do you think?

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Church of Hope

In my last post I wrote about hope. I wrote that hope is what bring joy into our lives, that we can always anticipate life being better down the road. Hope encourages. Hope weathers the storms of life, together. Hope comforts and restores. Hope gives...well...hope to those around.

The church is a group of people that all cling to the same hope. Hopeful churches are joyful places to be. They center on the amazing grace of God, the Spirit dwelling amongst them and supporting those in need, as well as, celebrating with those have cause to celebrate. Hope creates a loving fellowship because we all know we are on a journey together, allowing God to work on each of us as He sees fit.

Pray for hope for your church. Ask God to give the church a hopeful message to those in need.

Sunday, November 1, 2009


Hope is the anticipation of something good about to happen. Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. It is the feeling that what is wanted can be had and that events will turn out for the best. Hope says that whatever your circumstances are right now, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it is not a train. Hope encourages us to wait during the storms of life, to seek shelter in knowing good will return like the sun after the storm.

Hope sits in the background of life, rarely noticed when it is there but sorely missed in its absense. Hope is there as one get up in the morning, and prepares for work, play or to relax. Without it, life isn't worth living. It is a Holy Spirit gift that we can not conjure up on our own nor can we will it to happen. It adds meaning and purpose to life and puts a smile on our face. Without varying degrees of hope, at best we are "tired" all the time or, at its worst, despondent, cynical and gloomy.

Hope is as integral to faith as O is to H2O. Without hope, faith turns into religious beliefs and church is a "sharp stick to the eye." Hope is what instills a sense of awe and wonder to our faith, the anticipation of greater, more wondrous things to come. Hope is why children get up at 5 am on Christmas morning, with joy sparkling in their eyes that threatens to burst into laughter and squealing. It causes them to almost vibrate with energy, believing in the unseen so much that they can see it...touch it. Isn't that something we all need to have in our lives, a joyful energy so overwhelming that we can't wait to turn the page and experience what's next? Isn't that what God is all about?

Without hope, we fall into depression, a gooey, swampy malase that bogs us down, making our feet difficult to move. It is a weariness that drains away joy slowly until one day you realize you are running on empty, an emptiness so profound that any movement seems void of meaning or strength. Without it, we are left to conjure up our own entertainments, plans and schemes, most of which do little more than delay the fightening reality of meaninglessness and purposelessness. Life without hope is void.

Hope is something we can pray for. Have you ever prayed for God to fill your heart with hope? Couldn't we all use a little more hope to fight off the cynical thoughts? Couldn't we all use a little more hope? Ask the Father for more and He will give it to you...He is the only source of hope.

Father, in the name of Jesus, fill our lives with hope. Give us joy unbounding for the wondrous future you have in store for us. Fill us with meaning and purpose that adds fun to our faith, that makes waiting for you more like Christmas morning instead of being in mourning. Bless your children with hope, Father today.